Winter, a time for good will, spending time with your loved ones and those awkward family members you dread seeing. To me, winter is a time where I can hug everyone without a reason, even if they think I’m weird, and to stay in with friends and that someone special you’re close too. ​

 

Snuggled up in your newly washed warm bed sheets and hot chocolate getting ready for the latest episode of “Hollyoaks” to get the phone call we all dread and  makes our stomach sink “Have you heard what your fellas been doing?” Can love truly prevail or will distance finally sharpen your eye and make you see what everyone else can?

 

I love being in a relationship, but doesn’t everyone? The stereotypical things like having somewhere there for you, the love you have and that warm feeling you get when you’re with them. Being able to have not just a boyfriend but a best friend all rolled into one. Though the downsides are probably the worst obstacles to encounter, being miles away can there still be all this love and trust people go on about? Does distance really make the heart grow fonder or make it disappear?

 

Getting into a relationship with someone you heard was being stereotyped as “a player/cheater/womanizer” you would expect every girl to steer clear, not everyone however. People like a challenge and are so convinced that they can bring out the best in someone.  Knowing all the bad things he had “apparently” done doesn’t seem to put you off at first, you started questioning why people would make up these lies as he was genuine and would do anything for you, well within reason, he still refused to buy One Directions album.

 

Being three hours away from home you would presume I would be worrying about what he’s doing, who he’s with and what they are even talking about?! But for some reason I wasn’t as bothered as I once thought , so embedded within university life it didn’t cross my mind that much. Does that make me a bad girlfriend? I still text him and ring him at night and occasionally fall asleep on the phone and wake up with the text “Not again, I miss you I just wanted to hear your voice Laura” Soppy bugger! Even though it’s nice to wake up to those cute heart melting texts. They do, show their soft sides once in a while. In a while being the key words. It’s hard, were not going to lie.

 

Cheating- the one key bombshell that when it occurs everything changes for the worse. The trust goes and everything I genuinely thought was perfect at one stage I begin to question if it was reality for them or just an act for me. Previous experiences people learn are always to trust your instincts and them looks you see girls give you when they learn that he is your boyfriend. That’s the snide dirty look we all hate, like “Not him surely?!” or that death stare that you know they mean from the bottom of their bitter and angry heart when they see him appear. Yes I get them looks a lot and I never seemed to understand why they gave me or him those looks till I begin to piece things together.

 

 It’s the worst rollercoaster ride of “what ifs”, when I find out, all the pieces of the jigsaw started to finally piece together. “What if I was better looking?, What if I was too nice? What if I never made him happy? What if I was skinnier?” I hate what ifs!  Once a cheater always a cheater, right? Then why do I keep thinking it’s a one time occurrence and I can work through it, is it my naivety finally coming back? That’s love, we all think love is indestructible and like a CD it can be stopped and started again with a different meaning. He always makes me feel so secure that he would never ever hurt me, but he’s obviously sugar coating the inevitable, to ensure that I fully trust him once again that he’s changed to then continue with his old ways?! I will never know!

 

Imagine the death stare looks, that lack of trust and hurt I’m feeling knowing what’s happening back at home... That’s me. I got that call Saturday night before going out with my flat mates, I was shocked but I didn’t seem to doubt it at all, certain things started to make sense to me. Why he seemed to finish work so late, why he was always tired and how shady he became with his phone. He made me feel as though it was all in my head and that he should be the one concerned seeing as I was living the “Uni life”. Realising the lack of trust he had with me at university and how annoyed he would get when I went out started to make sense now.. He lost the trust within himself by hurting me. He didn’t have the guts to tell me or even admit it to me. I couldn’t look at him in his eyes, though the moment I looked up I saw a sense of pain I hadn’t felt for a long time in my eyes- That pierced through me like nothing before. Did I really think he was sorry?

 

I decided to go out the next day for a few drinks with my girls. Here I was witnessing him first hand with another girl kissing; time seemed to have slowed down and slow motion was in full effect. I just stood there with tears rolling down my cheeks, the moment he realised I was there I just looked at him and walked away. That’s it. No words, he deserved nothing. A cold winter night, his curtain closed on my life.

 

Even though winters getting colder every year, I need to ensure I put my contacts in, at least then I know my vision will be sharp and ready.